If the past month's headlines haven't convinced you that the zombie apocalypse is upon us, well, the zombies have already eaten your brains.
That's right. We said it. Zombies. Sure, we're a team of highly educated water filtration experts more given to discussing micron ratings, but today we're talking ZOMBIES. Laugh if you want to, but when it happens (and it will) you'll be glad you read this. So without further ado (time is running out, you know), here's
The Fridge Filters' Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.
1. KNOW THY ZOMBIE. Think all zombies are slow, dull-witted shufflers? HA! YOU'RE DEAD. Zombies being controlled by voodoo curses, hypnotism, aliens, or microchips can run just as fast as you or I. Scarier still? The Enhanced Human Zombie. Altered by viral or bacterial infection, or worse yet--DNA alteration--enhanced zombies are the Terminators of the undead and can run, jump, and kill faster, harder, and more effectively than anyone but Chuck Norris.
(FACT: When Chuck Norris bites a zombie, it turns human.)
2. ARM YOURSELF AND GO FOR THE HEAD. Can't keep your silver bullets straight from your wooden stakes? No worries. If you've seen Zombieland you know there are buckets of ways to kill zombies. No matter your weapon of choice, though, go for the head--it's the only way to re-dead the undead.
(FACT: The word zombie entered the English language in 1929. That same year the stock market crashed and the Great Depression began. Coincidence? NOT LIKELY.)
3. PREVENT INFECTION. Sure, voodoo and zombie bites are responsible for like, 99.9% of zombie infections. But did you know you can catch zombie by sharing a drinking glass with a zombie? Not putting the paper down on a toilet seat after a zombie uses it? Breathing recirculated air on an zombie piloted aircraft?
(Don't even get us started on zombie mosquitos and zombie chiggers. It's June in North Carolina, y'all-- we'd be the first to die.)
4. BLEND IN. Should you find yourself in the midst of a zombie horde, DON'T PANIC. Blend in to the crowd and move like a zombie. That's right. Dance the Thriller.
Don't have the moves like Jackson? You can learn a thing or two from these cute kids:
5. PREPARE. Gather food and supplies now, because the last place you want to have to go during the zombie apocalypse is your local Walmart. In their “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse” blog, the CDC (No joke. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention really has a "Zombie Preparedness” page on its official website) recommends having an emergency kit stocked with food, medicine, tools, and supplies to get you through till you can find a zombie-free refugee camp. The most important item in the kit? You guessed it.
Water.
In fact, you'll need one gallon of water per person per day that you're on the run. That's a lot of water to carry! Those gallon jugs of water take up a lot of space in your survival pack...and at 8+ pounds per gallon they're sure to slow you down while you're on the run! You'll need something lighter, more compact
You need the Katadyn Portable Water Purification System.
The Katadyn bottle frees you from having to carry or locate safe drinking water while hiking, evading zombies, or any other outdoor activity. You just dip the bottle into any fresh water source, squeeze to force filtration, and voila! Fresh, clean water.
(Sorry. The folks at Katadyn aren't using zombies in their product videos.)
(Yet.)
Order one today and you'll be ready for whatever comes your way--the zombie apocalypse, the next big hurricane, or a hike on a hot day. We'll be ready. Will you?
If the past month's headlines haven't convinved you that the zombie apocalypse is upon us, well, the zombies have already eaten your brains.
speell check?
Posted by: ab | June 18, 2012 at 09:06 PM
Oh dear! The zombies ate my spellcheck! Thanks, AB!
Posted by: Zombified | June 18, 2012 at 10:14 PM